so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
