I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
one two three fourrrrnication!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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