just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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