I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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