Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
