Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
