I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
