508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize