so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
