Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
