Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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