And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
