at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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