Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
sex in a hospital.. check
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
