I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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