I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
