What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just gargled with NyQuil
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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