After last night, I could never be a politician.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
