i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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