hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
