so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
