Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize