I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
