was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
