even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
