You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
