Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
