I think i peed on brittanys purse
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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