hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
