Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
