im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It was like getting head from an anaconda
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
