Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
