My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
