well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
