One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
