So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
