Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
