I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
