go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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