I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
