My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
