just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
