The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
