Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize