That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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