wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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