So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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