Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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