And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
