I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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