my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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