I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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