Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
