I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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