You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
