put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize