Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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