I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
