I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
