she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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